Footprints in the Sand

During a recent trip to the beach, I wanted to get a picture of my boys' feet in the sand. This would be the first time I had actually put the baby's feet in the sand because it was just too windy the last time we were at the beach. I was so excited to see how he would respond to the wet, gritty shifting substance under his feet. As I was taking the pictures, the poem Footprints in the Sand came to mind. It was then that I realized that that poem describes our journey with this little guy. Several of you have asked me to update the blog with news of where we are in the foster to adopt process. Taking this picture and thinking of that poem has given me the inspiration I needed to post this update.

For a while it appeared that the baby's mom was not going to do the things she needed to do to be reunited with him. There have been several hearings and at the last hearing a relative came forward and wanted the baby. This crushed us. We thought we would lose him that very day. However, in order for that relative to take custody of the baby, they must complete a home study and be approved by the court. So, our concerns over this diminished.

We became comfortable with where we stood in this process. Until recently that is. For the past month or so, the baby's mom has been doing everything she is supposed to be doing. During the baby's visitations with her, I have been reminded by my God that I need to pray for her heart and her success. As much as it hurts to imagine losing him at this point, I have to be obedient and pray for her. If trying to get her baby back leads her to Jesus, then I need to be her biggest cheerleader. We love this little guy as if he is our own so if he is going to be going back to his mom, we want her to know Jesus and be the best mom possible, so please help us to pray for her to fall so in love with Jesus that she will be forever changed by His grace.

As for us and our pain...we are confident that we will look back one day and see only one set of footprints in the sand.

Nine Months Cancer Free

It was exactly a year ago this week that Billy underwent his first week of chemo. It is with enormous gratefulness that we learned last week that he is still cancer free! At his check up in May, the CT scan showed that his adrenal glands were swollen so we were anxious to see if this had resolved itself. Thankfully, everything looked good! We are thanking our Great Physician for taking care of all the details!

A Dilemma

I decided to pack up the boys last week and meet my mother-in-law at her beach condo for a few days. My plan was to go to Billy's appointment at Duke with him and then the boys and I would continue on to the beach. This seemed like an ideal plan because Duke is about an hour and a half away so that would give us a good "rest" point and then the drive from Duke to the beach is only two and a half hours. This would make it possible to do our bathroom breaks and feed the baby at Duke and then not have to stop again until we got to the beach. This plan was working well until I took an exit to run through a drive thru to grab lunch for Little Man and me. It was then that I realized that I did not have any hand sanitizer. (Now, those of you who know me know that that is a dilemma in and of itself!) So I decided my plan to keep the kids strapped in would have to go by the wayside and we would have to go into a store to get some handsanitizer. I took a quick peek in my mirror to make sure the baby was still awake as he had been the entire trip only to see that he had finally fallen asleep. There was no way I was going to wake him up! This is where the real dilemma arose. Did I leave both kids in the car with the A/C running and the doors locked and risk jail time or do I send my 8 year old into Food Lion BY HIMSELF?? (Those of you who know my little man, know what a dilemma this was for him!) I had no real choice. A few moments later, armed with a $5 bill and strict intructions to go straight to the cashier and ask where to find the handsanitizer, my 8 year old cautiously walked into Food Lion BY HIMSELF! Thankfully, the entire front of the store was windows so I could see him and he could see me. I watched him stand in line to speak to the cashier and then he made his way to the aisle to which she had directed. I was thanking God that this aisle was in my view! He slowly made his way down the aisle looking carefully for the ever so important handsanitizer. Then it happened. He went beyond my range of vision. This may seem trivial to some of you, but I immediately started praying in earnest, "Lord, please don't let anyone snatch my baby. And please help him find the handsanitizer by himslef so he'll feel good about himself." After what seemed like forever but was really only a matter of minutes, my little boy reappered. Bounding back up that aisle looking in my direction with a look of sheer joy on his face, he waved the bottle of handsanitizer in the air from side to side. I came out of my skin with joy for him! He was so proud of himself and it shined from every pore! He has a new sense of confidence and I could not be happier for my little man! As you can see, we celebrate every victory!

Summer Sessions

I have not been able to do as many sessions as I would like due to having a little one again, but here are a few of my favorites from the sessions I did this summer.

Plans for a Hope and a Future

Wow, it has been a looong time since I posted anything on here. We have been just a tad busy since my last post. Since we skipped a few weeks of homeschooling while Billy and I were at Duke for his chemo treatments, I spent the later part of the fall playing catch-up. Then came Christmas and the New Year and well, time just got away from me. We have had quite an exciting Spring so far and many friends have asked me and encouraged me to tell this story so here it goes...

As most of you know, we have been going through the adoption process for almost three years. We took all our classes in the fall of 2006, and were set to start our home study in November of that year. There were several major events in our life that caused us to postpone our home study for about a year. Once we felt we were at a place where we could move forward we called our case worker. We finished our home study visits and requirements mid-July 2008 and were officially playing the waiting game. If you have read our posts from last year, you know what happened next. We were thrown into the world of cancer and chemotherapy. We were called about a baby in between Billy's first and second rounds of chemo. As it turned out, the baby's case worker was concerned about Billy having cancer so she chose another couple. This was for the best, as it would have been so incredibly stressful to take care of a new baby and go through the next few months of chemo treatments. Once Billy was finished with his treatments, we were told he would have to have follow-up appointments every three months to make sure he was still cancer-free. He had his first follow-up appointment in February, which showed that he was indeed still cancer-free...Praise God! When we returned home that afternoon, there was a call from our case worker...about a baby! Talk about coming full-circle. Before I go on about what happened next, I want to take you through the journey we have gone through since first entertaining the idea of adoption...

Five years ago, we started thinking about adoption. I was still holding out for what I knew God was capable of...giving us another biological baby. The idea of adoption is something I had always thought would be a part of my life as a parent from the time I was a young teenager because the church I attended as a young teen in Alabama had a missionary family visit once and they spoke about their adoptions. I can remember thinking then that I would have a few biological kids and adopt a few. Although this was in the back of my mind, I was not ready to give up on having the "few biological kids" just yet. (As I type this I am struck by my audacity to even try to call the shots...oh, what I could have avoided had I just surrendered to God's prompting five years ago!) After the miscarriage of our second pregnancy, we felt God pulling us more and more toward adoption. It was in our face at every turn. We hem-hawed around for another year before we started seriously considering it. At that point, we agreed that we would in no uncertain terms adopt domestically. It HAD to be international because we just could not stand the thought of the birthmother tracking us down and taking our baby from us. Nope, no way, we would only do international adoption. Wellll, we didn't (and still don't) have $30,000-$40,000 to adopt internationally. We checked all kinds of countries and thought we had found the most affordable in Korea ($15,000) when we heard that they had closed the doors to US adoptions. I'm not sure if this was accurate information or not but it was enough to make us step back and listen to what God was saying to us. International adoption was not for us. Now, it was about this time that we changed churches. God led us to the most incredible church at just the right time. We began to really feel God's presence and direct, intimate involvement in our daily life. I can remember the first time I heard my pastor pray for God to do WHATEVER He needed to do IN us to make us more like Christ. As he was praying that, I was thinking, Wow, really? ANYTHING? OK.... God, do WHATEVER you need to do. I am so thankful for that prayer for SO MANY reasons. Sure, at first, I was scared what He might do, but I came to understand that WHATEVER God does in us is His plan, and therefore, is for our good. And we can trust Him with EVERYTHING!! It was shortly after that that we felt a peace about domestic adoption. However, we still thought we knew what the plan was! We would adopt from somewhere across the country...harder to be located, right? We started taking our classes through Social Services (because this kind of adoption is the most needed and the most affordable...FREE) but we would only be an adoptive family. There was no way we could do foster-to-adopt. That would rip us apart as well as our son. We soon found out that we would have to look in our state for the first year and then we would be able to search the country. Huh??? God, you are asking us to do something we know we can't do. And He said to me through His Word... My ways are not your ways... Ok, our state is a pretty big state. We just thought we'd request a child from the far western part of the state or the far eastern part of the state. Once our home study was finished we quickly found out that the calls would not be pouring in about infants because of the system. There has to be a series of hearings to determine the birthmother's ability to raise the baby. Sooo, by the time all this is done and the parental rights are terminated, the child would likely be a year old or older. (Except in some unusual circumstances where the parents give up their rights.) One day, out of the blue I felt God telling me that if we wanted a baby, we were going to have to do it His way...foster-to-adopt. Gulp! Really, Lord, we cannot go through losing one after having it in our home and loving it as our own. And over and over again, I know the plans I have for you is what came up in my devotionals and my thoughts. So, we called our case worker and changed our status. We were officially a foster-to-adopt family. Two weeks later, we received the call. There was a baby, a newborn that we would be bringing home from the hospital. Thank you Jesus, we finally have our baby!!! We knew we were in for a long process but were committed to riding it out. You would think that was the end and God was finished with this particular work in us. I did. As I started praying for this baby, and praying that it would be ours forever, it was heavy on my heart that if the baby was ours forever, then there was a mother out there that would be losing her baby. I didn't see that coming. And it was then that God gently whispered to me that this mother's soul is more important to Him than whether or not I have another baby and He wants me to pray for her. Lord, please I don't think I can do this. For a few days, I danced around the big elephant that was in my prayer room. I knew I needed to pray for her, but could not bring myself to. But at the same time, I was having a hard time praying for us to be able to keep this precious baby. My heart would not let me pray for her to fail her drug tests, and fail to comply to all the requirements, and ultimately lose her baby forever. And then my God reached me. He reminded me that my most earnest prayer for my son and for this new baby was for them to bring souls back to Him. I don't care what they are as far as occupations, just help me to teach them to love as You love and may they reach lost souls for You. And at that reminder, I realized that this baby may fulfill that purpose in the birth mother's life. If losing her baby, makes her run to God for help, then that is bigger than me having a baby. So, that is where I am now. I am praying for this woman to find Jesus so He can help her get straight. My prayer for whether or not we get to keep this baby is now a prayer for the baby to be with the family God wants because He knows the plans He has for this baby...plans for a hope and a future.

Early Morning Photo Shoot

When Aspen arrives on Thursdays and Fridays, she usually has a cute little ponytail on the top of her head. Sometimes, however, she arrives with her beautiful hair falling all around her pretty little face. Each morning that she has come to me like this, I think, "Oh, I need to get a picture of you with your hair down like that." Well, this morning, I finally did! Here are a few of our hurried shots...

Happy Birthday Mason!

Last year when I first started blogging I posted some pics of a friend's baby. They were of his tiny hands and feet. Well, that tiny baby will be turning one soon so we did some pics this week. Here are a few shots. The one of AJ is one of the many I took before Amy arrived so I could get my lighting and exposure correct. Bless his heart, he is going to get tired of always having a camera in his face!

Photo Shoots

I have had several photo shoots this fall. My first of the season was of a friend's boys and AJ for their yearbook pictures. The boys totally hammed it up and gave me some great shots. The next was of a friend's family at her family's farm. This shoot was done while the leaves were colorful and turned out awesome. She ordered a 20x24 canvas and it blew me away to see my work so large and looking so much like art. Another was of our Pastor's family. We also did this one while the leaves were colorful. They were very compliant as I took them from one spot to the next. I had a hard time choosing a favorite from this shoot because they are such a beautiful family so I am posting several. I have already posted some pics from my photo shoot with Steph and Bella. (I know I am biased but I love those the most!) Late November brought on cold weather and I only had one family to brave to cold outdoors for a photo shoot. I laugh when I look at these pics because everyone was freezing to death during this shoot. I'll be lucky if Patrick (the daddy) ever steps in front of my lens again. The other shoots came in December and were taken for Christmas cards. I had fun doing these because these were my first indoor sessions with studio lighting. Here is a sample of each session in order...

Yearbook pics for my friend's boys




My friend's family at her family's farm






Our Pastor's family-thanks for being so patient!



Our friends who braved the freezing temps!



My little man!!



Our friends' girls



Another friend's kids



At my friend's house; her two boys and her niece and nephew


My little man and "the four E's" (All the Steil grandkids)

Thanksgiving with Bella and Stephy

We had A LOT to be thankful for this Thanksgiving! Even though Billy's cancer diagnosis and treatments were scary and challenging, we are thankful for the experience. We have learned so much, our faith has been made stronger, and we have had the honor of being used by God for His purposes. We were faced with a situation that we could not imagine was in any way for our good (Romans 8:28), but then God showed us that it was not about our good this time. This was about Him using our situation for the good of others. I cannot describe how cool this felt! And then we experienced such an outpouring of love and generosity from those we know and those we do not know. I don't think either of us would change the events of this year. (Well, I would not like to see Billy so sick and in pain.) The cancer ended up blessing us more than a multitude of "good blessings" could have. In the end, we gained so much from the whole experience and are better off than if the cancer had never happened.

As far as the actual holiday, it was one of the best Thanksgiving weekends I've had in a while. Stephy and Bella came from Norfolk and stayed until Monday. Having Bella in the house was such a joy. We all went through Bella withdrawals within an hour of their departure! Steph and I had many laughs and got to enjoy a rush-free weekend together. Although, there was one particular moment in which I thought we would both fall to our death trying to bring Christmas bins up from the basement. I learned that you should never laugh hysterically while trying to carry bins stacked three high up a very steep set of basement stairs! Poor Steph, she was on the lower end of those bins and just about had her head knocked off by them. I don't know how we came through that one without any bruises.

We also got to get some photos of Bella. We have tried since that baby girl was born to get some shots of her smiling her sweet smile, but could never capture it. She would end up sucking on her bottom lip (we have affectionately dubbed this her "Bucky Beaver" pose) and playing with her eye lashes (which I find extremely adorable). Since I am still an amateur at my photography passion, I am always looking for subjects on which to practice. Steph has been so very patient with my ideas for pictures. A few of the shots are below!

A Burden is Lifted

Billy had his blood work and CT scan on Monday and we got the results today. Everything looks good! There is one cancer marker that was not zero but his doctor feels that this is probably hormone related. Once his testosterone levels are back to normal he thinks that marker will return to zero. He will have to have blood work, a CT scan, and a chest x-ray every three months for the first year as a precaution. When the doctor left the room to write Billy's prescriptions, we wept tears of joy as we thanked our Heavenly Father for His mercy. We know God has used this season in our life for very specific reasons and we thank Him for those we are aware of as well as those we aren't aware of yet.

We cannot thank all of you enough for your faithfulness in praying for Billy. We also are so very thankful for the love you have shown us. We have actually thanked God and continue to thank God for the cancer because we have grown so much because of it!

Day Five of Round Three

Hi everyone! Today is the last day of Billy's chemotherapy treatments here at Duke! We are trusting God that he will not ever have to have chemo again! He comes back on November 17 for a CT scan to make sure all signs of cancer are gone. We cannot tell you all enough how much your prayers, cards, visits, calls, and financial support have meant to us over the past three months. You all have shown us so much love and encouragement and we truly thank our Lord for blessing us with all of you! On a sadder note, our neighbor (mentioned in yesterday's post) passed away during the night. We ask that you please lift his family up in prayer as they deal with the days and weeks ahead.

Day Four of Round Three

Billy woke up feeling good again this morning. We took a trip down to eat breakfast and then stopped on the fourth floor to visit our neighbors who are here with their son, Denny. Once we were back in the room, he slept for a few hours. He felt like making one more trip down to see our friends but has been laying down most of the day. Although he is very tired, sitting with Denny's family has given us perspective. Denny is an eighteen year old boy who has never known normal. He has been battling medical conditions his entire life. He was diagnosed with brain cancer a little over two years ago. The cancer has been uncontrollable since this summer. He has been here at Duke since August. They have taken him off of life-support and are riding the horrible rollercoaster called waiting. Denny's heart is strong but the cancer is taking over. The doctor told them this morning it could be 12 hours or three days. I overheard the doctor say "end of life care" this morning when speaking to his mom. Please join us in praying for this family as they struggle with wanting their loved-one to be granted a miracle but at the same time want his suffering to end. This boy loves our Lord so we know what is waiting for him when he leaves this life, but he will be leaving behind a large family who loves him very much.

Day Three of Round Three

Praise God!! Billy is feeling good and it is WEDNESDAY!! Wednesday is usually the day that he takes a turn for the bad so this is so awesome! He is a little puffy from the fluids being pumped into his body, but he feels good! He has been doing a lot of walking and is able to eat well this time around!!! Thank you for praying and please continue to pray him through this week! We love you all!!

Day Two of Round Three

Billy is feeling well after his second day of chemo. As with the last two rounds, he is having to get up a lot during the night to drain his bladder but that only means his kidneys are functioning well. However, he did sleep well in between trips to the potty. He is getting out and about more as long as he rests frequently. Thank you all so much for praying for him!!

Day One of Round Three

Billy is doing well after his first day of his third round of chemo. He had to wait quite a while yesterday to be admitted because they somehow sent his bloodwork to the wrong lab so he was very tired when he finally got to his room. However, he slept well last night so he feels good today. He does not have to have the Bleomycin this round so we're hoping this round won't be so bad. During the last two rounds, Wednesday has been the day when he begins to feel bad so we'll see how things are tomorrow. Thank you for all of your prayers - they are working! Praise God!!

School Picture

This is AJ's school picture for the fall. He's such a ham!

Praising God

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update on Billy. He has been feeling good for the last week and a half. He gets very tired and has to take it easy but he has had no sickness. He is also able to eat a little more than after the first round of chemo. Things still taste funny to him but he is able to tolerate more this time. I compare him to a pregnant woman because he has definite cravings as well as definite disgusts. He is no longer radiating heat as he use to do, but is now very cold-natured. Everyone comments on how good he looks also. He is not ashy looking like a lot of chemo patients; his coloring remains normal. His next round of chemo is scheduled for next week. We are so very thankful to our Great Physician for keeping him healthy this time around. And we are so very thankful to all of you who are praying him through this!

"Birthday Buddies"

AJ and his buddies. Their birthdays are all two days apart (with AJ's sandwiched in the middle) so I have dubbed them the "Birthday Buddies." We even had one big joint party for them two years ago. I took this picture after doing all of their school pictures for our Homeschool Yearbook. They were so happy to change shirts and shoes so they could play.

Keeping His Eye on the Ball

Another picture of AJ playing golf. We will both be glad when Billy is well enough to take his little buddy golfing again.

Skating Fun

Our homeschool group goes skating once a month and this past Monday was the first skate day of the year. AJ has been to many skating birthday parties, but always hanged onto the wall the entire time. Not this time! It was as if he had broken out of an invisible shell. He had the best time skating and crashing with his friends!

Pictures of Our Stay at Duke

We got home around noon yesterday. We were so totally pooped that we spent the day sleeping. Billy's doctor did decide to go ahead and do the third round of chemo. If Billy stays well during his two week break, his next round of chemo should begin on the 20th. We're almost there...the end is in sight. :)

Billy (and his sidekick) while on one of our walks early in the week.

We had beautiful sunsets every night.

Enjoying our outdoor prayer date.

Day Five of Round Two

Prayer Date
This morning when Billy rolled over and said "Good Morning," he also said, "I want us to go on a prayer date this morning." I, in turn, said, "Okay, where do you want to go on this date?" He said , "I want to get dressed, go get some coffee, and go outside to the courtyard." I cannot tell you how happy I was to hear him say he felt well enough to get dressed, let alone go outside! We showered, got dressed, got our Starbuck's and headed to the courtyard (IV pole in tow). It was his first breath of fresh air since Monday morning and the best hour since we've been here. There is just something special about talking with God while in the middle of His creation with no roof separating you from the heavens. It was hard to tear ourselves away from our bench and go back inside. Had it not been for Billy's bladder calling, we would have stayed all morning! Thank you all once again for praying us through this week!

Evening of Day Four of Round Two

Today has gone very well. Billy has been on three walks and has eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner! He has rested a lot in between his walks and doesn't appear to be retaining fluid any longer. They have not changed anything they have been doing so we are contributing all of these wonderful things to God alone. There is power in prayer!!

The only negative today was his vein blowing. His arm started swelling at the IV site, which meant that the vein had blown and the chemo was going into his tissue. This IV had one purpose; they were dripping his Bleomycin into this IV instead of his port this time. They did this because last time, one of the nurses got his Bleo messed up because she left it disconnected for several hours to drip the other chemos. This would have been fine, but she messed up the other chemos' schedules also, so the Bleo was stopped for way too long. Then they had to drip the Bleo at twice the normal rate so that it would be finished by Thursday night. That is what caused Billy to run the fever during his first round. Anyway, Billy's doctor did NOT want that Bleo messed up again so he ordered an IV site specifically for the Bleo so it would not be interrupted this time. Since the Bleo only had another 5 hours to drip before he was completely done with it this round, we weren't sure what they would do when his vein blew, but were happy when the answer came. The doctor told them to connect the Bleo to Billy's port and just terminate it when it was time to start the pre-hydration and anti-nausea meds tonight. Sooo, as of 7:00pm tonight, Billy is done with Bleomycin! Since he has had his lifetime allowance of this drug, he does not EVER have to do Bleo again! Praise God! The Bleo is the chemo that makes him so sick. He tends to tolerate the other two better. So, he is one happy little camper right now!

Day Four of Round Two

Thank you, thank you , thank you, Jesus! I know all of our prayer warriors were on their knees last night because Billy woke up feeling somewhat better this morning. His body is still whipped and so very tired, but he got out of bed this morning! He couldn't do that yesterday. He took a walk down the hall and back and even felt like taking a shower. Of course, once he did all of that he hit the bed and is sleeping hard right now. We thank God for all of you who are praying for us!

Evening of Day Three of Round Two

Today has definitely been "Hump Day." Billy has had ups and downs today. (More downs than ups, but we'll take what we can get!) The diuretic has been working wonderfully. As of 5:00pm, Billy has peed 5 liters today! Whew....lots of potty time! He is so very tired; he can hardly hold his head up off the pillow. We've had a few nausea scares. This is the first time he has felt nauseated to the point that he thought he would throw up. I got the nurse and she quickly gave him some anti-nausea medicine in his IV both times. I'm sure it would have just been dry heaves since he has had NO appetite today. I finally convinced him to eat a PB&J sandwich at 6:00pm. That was the first solid thing he has eaten today.

Although it has been a rough day, we realize it could be a lot worse. Our heart goes out to the other patients and their families, who are very sick during chemo. We thank our Lord that Billy has tolerated his chemo rounds so well. Please continue to pray for his strength and endurance.

Day Three of Round Two

Good morning everyone! So far today, it looks like Wednesday will be the turning point again. We noticed early on yesterday that Billy was starting to swell faster than before. Well, he was weighed this morning and has gained 10 pounds in fluid. His doctor came in himself to tell us that Billy needs to be put on a diuretic to get rid of some of this fluid. A little while later he said his stomach didn't feel quite right so they gave him some anti-nausea medicine. Please lift him up in prayer today. I will post more updates later this afternoon when I get a chance.

Day Two of Round Two

Well, day one went very well. Billy napped some because he tired faster this time, but he also wanted to get out of his room and walk a lot today. He is doing well with the cabin fever this time so far. I really want to thank you all for praying, especially those of you who have specifically prayed for us not to get tense and stressed with the lack of sleep. No one has told me that they have prayed for us in that capacity (except you, Steph Reed) but I can tell some of you all have mentioned this to our Heavenly Father because I haven't felt my usual testiness with my lack of sleep. I am filled with an overwhelming amount of peace and I know that is coming from God alone!

Earlier tonight, Billy went to get out of bed and whacked his head on his IV pump. Ouch! When I got to him, there was a triangular shaped indention on his pretty bald head. It wasn't long before it started bleeding. Now, we had just told the doctor how careful we were being so that he does not get any kinds of wounds that might lead to an infection. Please pray that this little wound will not get infected like his last little wound did!

When I look at Billy resting in the bed, I am reminded of how gracious God has been to the two of us over the years. I am so thankful He has given us this love that amazes me more every day. I absolutely love that man more than I ever imagined possible! And I am also thankful for the cancer that has brought us new perspective. It has shown us how much we value our life together and it has shown us how loved and blessed we are by all of you! We give God all the glory that comes from this! He is awesome!

Day One of Round Two

Hello everyone, we are at Duke for Billy's second round of chemo. My computer is still giving me problems accessing Internet Explorer on Duke's network. I have a call into the Dell people but they have to call back when it is convenient for THEM. So, I am at Duke's library using one of their computers. Billy had a positive day yesterday. We knew from last time that the chemo doesn't get started until late on the first day so Billy and Grace came down for all of his Pre-Admit stuff and I went skating with AJ and our Homeschool Group. When I got here around 5:30, Billy was very happy with what the doctor told him... He may not have to do a third round as originally planned!! His doctor wants to do a CT scan two weeks after this round is over to determine if a third round of chemo is needed. Please, please take this to our Great Physician in prayer! We know He can use this second round to wipe out any remnants of the cancer so that a third round won't be needed.

As far as the chemo goes, I think the last bag of chemo was finished at 2am. I asked the residents this morning if they could ask Dr. Walther if the chemo could be moved up a few hours today so it doesn't go into the wee hours again tonight. We'll see! The good news is that they are not giving Billy six hours of the Manitol after the last chemo. This is what kept him getting up to flush his kidneys every 30-45 minutes last time. He was able to sleep a little more during the night because of that.

Thank you all for your prayers-we are so comforted by the fact that you all are praying. We love you all!

Morning Fog

Since we bought this place almost two years ago, I have wanted to take a picture of our family beside one of our sheds early in the morning with the fog in the background. Everytime I look at this shed early in the morning with the foggy cow pasture behind it, I kick myself for not being ready for the picture. Well, we needed to submit a family picture for the Homeschool Association's directory but I didn't have a very good recent picture of all three of us together. So, last night I told Billy we would take the picture before church this morning. Imagine my joy when I woke up to hear Billy say, "Maybe we should wait until this afternoon to take the picture because it is foggy outside." "Fog? YAY!!!" I thought, "Finally, we will all be here and dressed and ready for the ever elusive early morning scene I've been wanting to capture, fog and all!" Thank you God! He knew my vision and was gracious even in this simple wish.

Postponed

Hi everyone! I am so sorry I haven't kept you up to date this week. Billy's doctor decided to postpone his chemo for another week. He wants to make sure the infection doesn't come back once the antibiotics are out of his system. His last day of antibiotics was Saturday so we will see what happens this week. The plan is to start the second round on the 29th. Since he wasn't going back into the hospital this week, Billy requested that he be able to go to work this week. His doctor's nurse sent him a note releasing him to return to work. He is only staying in the office and must wear his mask if he is around people. Needless to say, I am battling my tendancy to panic over thoughts of possible germs and illnesses. I have to keep reminding myself that God is in control and if Billy gets sick this week, it was in God's plan.

Those of you praying for the baby we're being considered for, keep praying. We haven't heard back from our case worker this week. The last we heard was that the baby's case worker is considering us along with other homestudies. We are praying for God's hand to be in the inner workings of this situation. Thank you again for your prayers and concerns!! We love all of you!

"Happy Anniversary!"

Just as in the past 15 anniversaries, this morning I was awakened by a kiss and a "Happy Anniversary" from Billy. I went into AJ's room to wake him up and this is what transpired...
Me (sitting on the side of his bed)-"Good morning, it's time to start the day."
AJ (in that first of the morning voice)- "Happy Anniversary!"
Me- "Awe...how sweet that mommy and daddy's anniversary was the first thing on your mind this morning."
AJ (climbing over me and reaching for something on his bedside table) - "I had a really good hiding place!"
Then he proceeded to pull out two handmade cards from inside a CD case. One said, "Happy Anniversary Mommy!" (In red, my favorite color) and the other said, "Happy Anniversary Daddy!" (In blue, Billy's favorite color) They both said, "I love you and hope that you have a 'grate' anniversary!" on the inside. We are blown away by the sweetness of our little guy.
We are especially thankful that God has given us enough grace through the years to enable us to have this day, our 16th wedding anniversary!

Rejoicing With the Angels!

During this stormy season in our lives, our little boy felt God's tug on his heart. Several weeks ago, just before taking communion, we were listening to our preacher talk about how we should take it very seriously and not just do it out of habit, but to really remember what Jesus went through for us. He spoke about the suffering He went through to save us from our sins, to save us from awful circumstances from which we can do nothing to save ourselves. He spoke about how Jesus is still working in our lives today in every situation we find ourselves. Billy and I looked down at our precious child sitting between us. He was sobbing. He couldn't catch his breath. This caused Billy and me to cry. Once we regained control, I asked AJ why he was crying, and between choked breaths and streams of tears he said, "because of all that Jesus did for me." We have known from the time AJ was a very young age that he loves Jesus and could sense His presence. At the age of two, he cried tender, silent tears when I sat him on my lap and sang "I Love You Lord." At the age of three, he looked at a picture of Jesus swinging with children and said, "Mommy, I miss Jesus." When he said that, I knew that my baby came straight from the arms of Jesus because he spoke with such certainty that he had surely been with Him before. He would look up at a radiant patch of clouds with sunbeams streaming through and say, "Is that heaven?" or "Is that the door to heaven?" There have been many other moments since. But in that moment at church looking down at our sobbing son, we realized something new. He understands. His heart was breaking for Jesus. So this morning while our preacher and worship team led our church family in singing Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace (the version with the "My chains are gone, I've been set free" verse) AJ was burried with Christ in baptism. And Billy got to see it! Hallelujah!